And we're back...again.

As I come to the close of 2013, all I can really think to say is good fucking riddance.

That's not entirely fair.  What would be fair is to say that October of 2012 to September of 2013 can suck it.   Hard.  But for convenience we're just going to be glad that 2013 is gone.  We're gonna have a big party to wish it well and usher it out the door.

This is the year that a lot went wrong.  Gail getting sick.  Getting fired.  Cars breaking down.  New medical conditions to deal with.  And most of all, ultimately losing Gail.

My mother-in-law was an amazing person.  A writer, an actor, a mom, a friend, someone to laugh with and be snarky with.  I am lucky to have known her.  And I feel blessed that I was able to be with her through the end.  To, in whatever way I could, help her transition through the final stage of her disease.  To help her sons transition to a life without their mom.  And I have to remember that it's a transition for me, as well.

Gail was funny and smart and kind and a little bit crazy and loving.  She and I had some of the most amazing talks about all sorts of things.  Raising kids.  If there's a God.  The meaning of life.  Theater gossip.  The meaning of art.  Royalty gossip.  She's been on my mind a lot lately, as we enter the final phase of our first year without Gail, arguably the hardest phase.  Her birthday.  Thanksgiving.  Justin's birthday. Christmas.  New Years.  The anniversary of her death.  All these are coming up in the next 2 and a half months.  And they are all going to tear me apart, especially the celebrations - how do we celebrate without Gail.  How do we carry forward the traditions that she taught us?  How do we honor her, remember her, but not dwell in sadness.  Be sad, yes of course, but not get mired in it.  To be happy, too.

Because it's important to be happy.  My new job.  Making our livings as artists.  New projects and new goals.  All of these are happy things.  And I know Gail would be happy for us, if she knew, that she would want us to be happy even though we don't have her anymore.  But it still...it's hard.

I stopped blogging mainly because it was blocked at my old job, and this is the time I'm in front of a computer and can work on it during lunch and blah blah blah.  I kept not blogging because the past 12 months have been some of the hardest I've gone through.  But it's time to look forward, and to start moving in that direction.  To remember, to honor, to love, but to progress as well.

So...to the next year.  I'm starting early, because the time to start is when you're ready, not to wait for some date on the calendar.  And today I'm ready.