My pseudo-stepsister's mom and grandfather died in a car crash on Wednesday. My mom sent me photos of their car today and while I'm wishing I hadn't seen them, they do certainly make the whole thing real. I really wish she hadn't sent them to me at work, as I started crying and I really hate doing that at work. Awkward.
I haven't been getting enough sleep this week and I'm feeling physically and mentally run down. I feel like ass today and am really tempted to go home and take a nap and make up the time at work this weekend.
I'm struggling a bit with being a good stage manager. It's not that I don't like stage managing, 'cause I love it, but I feel like I should be more mindful of not inserting my artistic opinions into the process, which is hard since I feel so passionately about this particular script. I've tried getting a discussion going with other stage managers I know and that only made me feel more disconnected. I know my job as a stage manager isn't meant to include artistic input, unless it's invited in by the director, but I wish it did, I guess. I really enjoy stage managing, but want to be part of the creative process as well, which seems to be at odds with being a good stage manager. The best I can come up with is finding directors to work with who have a similar artistic vision as I do, or at least who have one that I respect, and I've been lucky in that I've found groups to work with who I respect and who seem to like the job I do, so that's great. I guess...I don't know why I'm complaining about this, since I've found a situation that works well for me. Is this not being happy with success? What a dumb thing that is. I should just shut up about it and be happy with what I have, since what I have is pretty ideal. Focus on being a good stage manager for the people I choose to work with and not worry about fitting some idea of what it means to be a good stage manager outside the context of a production.
I'm also annoyed that the arrow keys on my keyboard have stopped work. WTF?
My boss is retiring in 11 days, and I get a new boss in 10. I've heard only good things about my new boss, but I'm still stressing.
The bank hasn't responded to our new purchase agreement yet, and it's making me nutty. The whole point of avoiding short sales was to get a faster response, darn it.
Ugh, and rehearsal was just canceled. Actually, I'm not sure if this is crappy or not. It's a mixed bag - I get to go home and work on feeling better, but I also miss out on a good time - seriously, people, when this play opens you must come see it. So good. I think it's actually the ongoing discussion about art and politics, passion and responsibility that has been putting me into this sort of crisis of conscience mood I'm in. And while the crisis part isn't so great, to have something that is so full of things that warrant discussion and reflection is wonderful.
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